Darlene Rogers

Hello Middleville my name is Darlene and I am excited to join this wonderful, informative group of caring individuals. I arrived in this area in 2004 and intend to remain as close to the coast as possible. My husband and I have been married for eight years and have a busy blended family of seven. Yes Seven! We have two daughters, three sons, a Poodle and a Rottweiler yet somehow we blend well. I guess that makes Nine! Each child participates in at least two extra- curricular activities,(athletics , social organizations or academic) which means we can tell you the best place to sit on any bleacher as well as which school has the best popcorn on the east coast. Our children range from 19 – 13 years old with completely different personalities. The oldest son is serving our country in the Army and our oldest daughter is in college. The youngest three are currently making career plans from high and middle school. Human service is my field of choice and miraculously completed a masters degree with my busy family schedule last year. I’m currently working in a Human service position with some of the best Marines and their families in the country. It is my pleasure to aide those that due to unforeseen circumstances, need a bit of assistance. My passions are spending time with my family, reading, writing, photography, sketching and cooking. I am looking forward to this new journey here in Middleville, so buckle up as we tour life as we know it.

kristen-paulsen

Positively Reframing Tween’s Behaviors

Without disclosing full medical information of my children, I would like to say that my children do deal with certain medical conditions which can sometimes hinder interactions.  As parents we want the best for our children.  We want them to succeed.  We want them to have a chance in the world in which we live.  Part of giving our children these chances is facing the reality of our situations.  Too often we choose to put blinders up to behaviors  and or delays that could indicate that a child or tween needs additional help or resources.

When I used to teach Kindermusik, we had a sheet I would give parents about reframing.  We  as parents sometimes get stuck in a rut with how we naively “label” our children.  There are sometimes negative stigmas to the words we choose to use.  I have caught myself describing behaviors and remembering to reframe them into a positive light.

What is reframing?  Wikipedia cites that,

“The term reframing designates a communication technique which has origins in family systems therapy and the work of Virginia Satir. Milton H. Ericksonhas been associated with reframing and it also forms an important part of Neuro-linguistic programming. In addition, provocative therapy uses reframing with an emphasis on humor.

Another meaning or another sense is assigned by reframing a situation or context, thus sees a situation in another frame. A frame can refer to a belief, what limits our view of the world. If we let this limiting belief go, new conceptions and interpretation possibilities can develop.

Psychotherapists trained in the reframing by communication attempt to let scenes appear in another point of view (frame) so that someone feels relieved or is able to deal with the situation better.”

I have found this article extremely helpful in understanding how to respond, help and encourage my children.  http://www.ncld.org/ld-basics/ld-aamp-social-skills/social-aamp-emotional-challenges/behaviors-linked-with-ld-steering-your-childs-behavior-in-a-positive-direction

Here are some positive ways to reframe your child’s behaviors that I have found beneficial with my own children:

Positive Ways to Reframe Children’s Behavior

If you use this word:                            Try this instead:

Aggressive                                              Assertive

Anxious                                                   Cautious or concerned

Boisterous                                               Enthusiastic

Bossy                                                       A leader

Chatterbox                                              Communicative

Clingy                                                      Loving

Controlling                                              Determined

Disruptive                                                Eager

Distractible                                             Perceptive

Dreamy                                                   Imaginative

Explosive                                                 Dramatic

Fearful                                                    Sensitive

Giddy                                                       Good-humored

High strung                                             Energetic, enthusiastic

Hyper                                                      Loves to move

Intense                                                    focused; dedicated

Moody                                                     Charismatic

Non-participatory                                 An observer

Obsessive                                                Deliberate

Picky                                                        Selective

Self-centered                                          Proud

Serious                                                    Contemplative

Shy                                                          Reflective

Silly                                                         Joyful

Stubborn                                                 Tenacious; persistent

Troublesome                                           Challenging

Unpredictable                                         Curious

Whiny                                                      Willing to communicate

Do you believe reframing  a child makes us as parents focus more on the positive and boost self-esteem?  Thoughts?  Suggestions?

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4 Comments on “Positively Reframing Tween’s Behaviors”

  • Sarah Moore October 2nd, 2010 1:19 pm

    Kristin I had never heard or “reframing” before reading this; I am intrigued! As a parent and a teacher, I do find myself using labels but trying to keep them positive, and this list is very helpful for that. I called Marissa’s behavior “tenacious” instead of stubborn the other day and it turned into a teachable moment because she had never heard that word before so she looked it up and then we tried to think of more synonyms for stubborn.

  • Kristen Paulsen October 2nd, 2010 2:21 pm

    Love it! I too have benn using more positive words with my daughter and made her look them all up and then find synonyms from them. I think it solidifies more positive teaching moments! My daughter actually laughed when she read the definition of what I asked her. She understood. It was like a lightbulb went off.

  • Trinyan October 3rd, 2010 10:59 pm

    I love this post and think it is exactly right on–a terrific way to learn to see the good in character traits. Something I could use a refresher on. Thanks!

  • Kristen Paulsen October 4th, 2010 10:01 am

    Thank you Trin, I love reading your comments and your insight as well! WE all need reminders, thank goodness I remind myself alot!!!;)

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